Whenever one of my students emails me, I always start my reply the same way—with gratitude. Whether they’re asking a question, sharing a concern, or just letting me know something, my first words are always a thank you. “Thank you for reaching out.” “I appreciate you letting me know.” “Thanks for keeping me in the loop.”

Why do I do this? Because I want to reinforce their effort. I want them to feel heard, valued, and encouraged to email me again when they need to. It’s my way of saying, “Your communication matters, and I hope you keep it up.”

But let’s be honest—there are days when even that small act of gratitude feels harder than usual. Maybe it’s a particularly draining week or the weight of everything going on in the world feels heavier than usual. If you’re feeling cynical or struggling to find something to be thankful for, you’re not alone. The truth is gratitude can feel elusive when life feels overwhelming. But that’s precisely when it’s most powerful. Gratitude isn’t just about noticing the good when everything is going well—it’s about training ourselves to find light even in the midst of darkness.

Gratitude as Positive Reinforcement

In psychology, there’s a concept called positive reinforcement, where behaviors that are rewarded are more likely to be repeated. When we express gratitude, we’re not just being polite—we’re reinforcing actions and attitudes we want to see more of. When I thank my students for reaching out, I’m applying this principle in a small way. My gratitude serves as a kind of reward, encouraging them to communicate with me again. And, in turn, their emails remind me why I love what I do, even on hard days. Gratitude creates a cycle—what we appreciate, appreciates.

But gratitude doesn’t just impact others. It also changes us.

Gratitude and How We Shape Our Minds

Our brains are wired to notice patterns, but they don’t always pick the healthiest ones. In fact, we’re naturally inclined to focus on problems—it’s a survival instinct that keeps us alert to danger. This tendency is useful when avoiding literal threats, but it’s less helpful when it keeps us stuck in a loop of negativity.

This is where gratitude comes in. Neuroscience tells us that our thoughts and emotions shape our brains over time, a concept known as experience-dependent neuroplasticity. When we focus on gratitude, we strengthen neural pathways associated with positivity, making it easier to notice the good in our lives—even when it feels scarce.

That doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel grateful when you’re struggling. It’s not about pretending everything is fine or dismissing challenges. It’s about choosing, even in small ways, to shift your focus to what’s still good, still steady, or still worth appreciating.

Why Gratitude Feels Hard Sometimes

If gratitude feels out of reach right now, give yourself some grace. Cynicism and exhaustion aren’t personal failings—they’re often protective responses to a world that feels overwhelming. But here’s the paradox: The very practice that feels hard when times are tough is the one that can make things feel lighter.

Gratitude isn’t a cure-all, but it is a practice—a way to slowly turn your focus toward what nourishes you rather than what depletes you. And it’s OK to start small.

How to Grow Gratitude (Even When You’re Not Feeling It)

If you’re ready to begin cultivating gratitude, even tentatively, here are three small ways to start. Each one focuses on appreciating what you want more of in your life—because what we appreciate truly does appreciate.

1. Start with one small thing: On particularly hard days, don’t pressure yourself to feel grateful for everything. Start with one small thing—something tangible and immediate. Maybe it’s a cup of coffee, the warmth of a blanket, or a few minutes of quiet. The act of noticing and naming even one thing can begin to shift your focus. It doesn’t have to be profound; it just has to be real.

Why it works: Focusing on one small, concrete thing helps ground you in the present and creates a starting point for more gratitude to grow.

2. Look for what’s working: When life feels chaotic, it’s easy to fixate on what’s broken or out of place. Challenge yourself to notice what’s still working, even if it’s something simple. Maybe your car started without a hitch this morning or the sun broke through the clouds for a moment. These aren’t Earth-shattering wins, but they’re steadying reminders that not everything is falling apart.

Why it works: Shifting your focus from problems to possibilities helps balance your perspective, making it easier to see a path forward.

3. Express thanks, even if it feels small: When you thank someone—whether it’s a coworker, a friend, or even a barista—you’re creating a moment of connection. And that connection can be a lifeline when you’re feeling isolated or cynical. Even if it feels like a small gesture, it’s an acknowledgment of what’s good in your shared moment.

Why it works: Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships and reminds you that you’re not alone, even in challenging times.

Celebrating What We Want to See More of

In my office, I have a sign that reads, “Celebrate what you want to see more of.” It’s not just wall decor or an empty platitude—it’s a mantra that guides me, especially on days when gratitude feels hard to muster. Celebrating doesn’t mean ignoring challenges or pretending everything is perfect. It means choosing, even for a moment, to honor what’s still good, still growing, and still possible. Gratitude may feel difficult at times, but it’s never wasted. It’s a small yet steady way to nurture connection, joy, and hope. In a world that often feels overwhelming, those small moments of appreciation can add up to something powerful, because what we appreciate truly does appreciate—and that can change everything.